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Showing posts from 2009

Eating the 8 legs

News from a parallel universe

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Iraca border is secured The Iraca's army has announced today that its north border is now secured after building the G-fence has been completed.The fence was built by the ORATCOM construction.The fence took 5000 man hours and used the latest technology in the field of constructions and Bio-killing technologies. The Iraca's army spoke commented: "As you can see,The fence was built out of wood that was planted directly into the hard rocks of the desert.As you know wood does not get rusty , you can not melt it with fire,and it has also facilitated electricuting the fence since it is an isolating material.We have also made a 2 meter hole just after the fence, so anyone who can get through it will meet his death." On a related news , the TSA army has decided to start its attack on Iraca from the North border. Amazoz.com releases its Kandle. Amazoz has released Kandle yesterday,which is said to be the top technology in book industry.Kandle -Called the wireless is a new devi

Top list of all time 18-Oct

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Here we will mention top 5 of all time for some subjects. Top 5 most wanted jobs 5) Actor 4) Singer 3) House-wife (applies to men and women) 2) Junky 1) Porn star Top 5 most chearful disease situations 5)A vampire blood bank receptionist. 4)Werewolf farm keeper. 3)Polititian with Trourette syndrome 2)A surgent with parkinson disease. 1)Rapest with an erectile disfunction. Top 5 most hated people 5)Satan 4)Loyer 3)Dentist 2)Wife 1)Mother in law

Business News 17-Oct

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Nokta Seamen & Appie Ps:Nokta = Joke in arabic language In a strategic move by "Nokta Seamen" to face their powerful competitor "Alcoten-Lotent" ,the company contracted with Appie to have Appie new UPhone execlusively for Nokta Seamen's operated GSM networks. On asking Mr.Smith Gran the executive dierctor of Notka. US: What do you expect from your recent move to have UPhone as a partner ? Smith: We expect nothing less that reaching our target market share of 2.3%. US: What is the company current market share! Smith:It is 26.8%. US: So , you are looking to decrease your market share? Smith: Strangely YES, according to the recent business researchs, less market share lowers the cost but on the other hand we will be like an "Execlusive club" where we can raise the prices as much as we want. US: But won't your deal with Appie increase your market share instead? Smith: On the contorary,Uphone is one of the worst cell-phones ever, also the deal goes

The daily Jangolia 16-Oct

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Turtles start the new class. The turtle "Mick Mhoey" class starts 1 week from today and lasts for 1 month.The class titled "Art of simple seduction" has recieved greate reviews in the "The jungle classes" news paper.Mick Mhoey added:Lesson one is "Convincing Spell/Guy -Guy under the spell- " , Lesson two " Getting to second base?".So you can imagin the success the class can offer the attendies. The Jungolian news After 3 month of preparation and collecting frogs.the jungolian arm is now going on training mode.The head of the Army commented:"Although we are not in war,it is always required to be up to date when it comes to our national security.Adding the new Flying marins department will sure en-force our army". Hell breaks loose in peaceful Jangolia. Yesterday a fight started between the Dogs and Lions.The fight began with the conversation between the Lions' king and the Snow dog,when the king accused the dog of pausing a

News from a parallel universe 15-Oct

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MaCDucks decides to take it to court MackDucks has decided yesterday to take the recent case to court instead of paying settlment money to Miss Bigasston.The story started when Bigasston sued MackDucks asking for 21 million dollors as a setllement for getting fat from eating burgers at their restaurant.Although the company has confessed that it's food might be the reason for weight gain,it has also refused to sellte on the count that it does not take 21 million dollors to get Bigasston back in shape. "Deed for Speed" the Game Soky has announced the release of its new "Deed for speed" game on pez5 only.The game displays the story of a man with a very bad car and his life dream of getting a speeding ticket which he gets at the end of the game with the help of several friends including a police officer (Spoiller alert) who just gave up at the end and gave the guy the speeding ticket as a gift.The fact that pez5 game console costs 1000$ and plays black/white games o

The hourly news 10:15 pm

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General Bicycles new beast. GB has surprised everyone yesterday in it's annual celibration when it revealed it's new car.Although the company has been facing a lot of difficulties the last couple of years,the remaining 5 employees has managed to produce a car with amazing features that they called it the beast.The car can go up to 320 mph and of 400 hp.One of the news writer asked the designer "how come the car looks like sh*t ! " .The car designer simply replied "Since GB cares for it's customers,the new car shape is designed to eliminat the need to wash the car at all,which reduces the running cost.It is also designed so that no one will envy the car owners.At the end, it is safty what matters most when we design cars." The Figral Army tries new weaspons. Tomorrow the Figral army will start trying the new imported weapons from North-South Russtina.A trusted source has revealed that the new weapons are of biological nature.The weapons may include:bebe g

News from the parrallel universe 13-Oct

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FF Strikes hard FF commonly known as Fishy Flu strikes Turop hard.yesterday it was counted that 30 % of all population in Turop suffer from the diseas.The doctors commented "it was going to happen sooner or later,3rd world countries always wash up their animals with water instead of dry cleaning which eventualy led to fish catching the common swine flu". The new drug that has proven its success has small side effects including Constipation,diarias,throwing up,anal leakage,tears runny nose and sudden death. Asbook.com announces the use of "face blocking" technology. Asbook company announces that it will launch it's new "face blocking" service by mid of next month.Asbook's head of marketing: "The service will garantee that no one will be able to upload his face picture on the site instead of the butt picture,which what the site is dedicated for". MASA confirms that the earth is flat. MASA confirms that we were all miss led by "Aristotl

The Daily Jungolia 12 Oct

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Accidents Section -A rat kills his family and ends his life. Butterball rato collapsed and slaughtered his wife and 623128 kids and hung himself. It is said that Butterball has been facing financial problems during the past few month which may have led to this. The accident took place beside the old gutter and lasted for 2 weeks. -Feel Safe North Cost ! Yesterday, the FDI finally cought Jim the tiger after 4 years of chase.Jim has been accused of several crims including stealing under the gun point and fornication. Jobs -BodyGuard. A strong and educated bodyguard is required for 2 month.The bodyguard will accompany the Gazalo group during their yearly migration. Carnivoras are not welcomed. -Personal trainers. A tailess lizard looking for a personal trainer until grows back the lost tail. Pearsonals -40 years,blond 1500 pounds vergin female lion,looking for a loving husband to take care of her and her childrens. Sports -Wrestler "Elephantoman" suspended. A decision was taken